Message Forum | religious relatives

Veronica, and you lovely other T-girls reading this forum,

I had a therapy session on Thursday. We discussed my letter to my siblings, I had given him a copy at our last meeting in November. He said, after I told him of my fear of loosing contact with my brother and sister and my nephews, that perhaps I was to specific in my writing out my plans to transition. Instead he encouraged me to edit my letter down to generalities.

I will be working on this this weekend. When I get it finished I will post it here for you to read.

Veronica,

Sorry it has taken so long for me to respond to your question. I've been busy, I am sure you understand, given the season we were in.

I  have yet to tell my brother and little sister about my transition. It will be harder now as I have been able to spend more time with them over the holidays. I don't know how I would be able to cope if they cut me off from seeing them and my nephews.

I would be happy to share what I have written out to them (leaving out names and personal details) if you and the rest of the forum are interested. Or with you personally thru private messaging if you prefer. The letter is quite lengthy so maybe picking a few pertinent excerpts would be best. Let me know.

Jemma

Dear Hilary,

Yes, transitioning is a completely selfish act. But, it is your life to live. Are you going to live it according to others perceptions of how or what you should be? Or are you going to live it for yourself under your terms?

I have lived 40+ years as what I thought others wanted. What a waste! Now, I've decided that I need to live as myself. This decision has already cost me my marriage. I imagine I will lose more than a few friends. I hope I wont lose my job. But, if it has to be, so be it. I am at peace and happy with this decision.

It is your life, transition when you're ready. Take your time, be patient and do talk with your therapist.

All my best to you, girl.

Jenny M

Dear Kiki,

I am so glad you joined us. As I said before, you can ask questions and I or another girl will pipe up with an answer. I appreciate you giving me a little back ground, it helps in communications.

I know about growing up in the south and believe me at my age of 48 it gets worse. As people get older they develop their own sense of right and wrong. For instance the man I have worked with the last 10 years has an opinion of GLBT as being a sickness and they are going to hell. I can picture him trying to have an intervention and trying to stop/dissuade me from this transition.

Kiki, I fear the church is not going to accept your feelings. They will pray for you and ask you to pray as well. I read this morning that back in 2000 the Catholic church dismissed transsexualism as a form of insanity! Can you believe that?

I don't know about your church. I do know that there are "inclusion" churches spring in up. And on Lynn Conway's TS success pages, there are two male to female ministers.

Also, I think it will help you to look at yourself. Are you a good person as a "man"? Don't you think you would still be a good person as a "woman"? Your body is just a vehicle for your soul. If your soul is good, then is doesn't  matter what your body looks like, right?

I'm not trying to convince you to go through this. I just trying to relay the information you may require for a sound decision. By all means talk with your councilor and your pastor, but the choice is yours.

I am not happy being a man, I am a woman inside and I believe I should be one on the outside as well. I am going to a therapist as well. My appointment is for Monday, June 14.

Please be careful this is not a decision to be made on a whim. Let me know if I may be of further assistance.

Jennifer Marie

Dear Kiki,

I have 1 brother and 2 sisters. The order of birth was. Leigh, then me, then Cathy, then Karl Girl, boy, girl, boy. I some times think that being born between two girls is where I get my issues. But it just doesn't work that way. Even though I benefited from being between them, I always had girl clothes to "borrow" that would fit.

When I discussed with mom about telling my other siblings, I was referring to my sister Cathy and brother Karl. They are both married and have children. So, I also have to consider my sister-in-law and brother-in-law.

Kiki, as for the stats, well I've done a lot of research. The more I find out about my "condition", the more I realize: I am not alone in this. And neither are you! Do the research. Professor Lynn Conway's site would be a good place to start. Don't forget to look at her TS Success pages! I found quite a few to be inspiring.

So, I still don't know much about you other than you desire to be a woman. BTW, You are a woman. I am a woman. Inside. And I know you have a brother and a sister. How old are you? How long have you felt this way? Are you expressing your true self now? Inquiring minds want to know, girl!

All for now. A new friend,

Jennifer Marie

Dear Kiki,

I totally forgot about my brother and his family. Wow, and they were just here this past weekend  They, too, are very religious, Church of Christ. They don't ever miss a service, even when they are on the road.

After I had confided in my mother, my older sister was there as support, one of the topics of conversation was how difficult it will be to tell my remaining siblings. I have the brother I've already mentioned, as well as another sister and her family. I would hope that they have a strong Christian belief in forgiveness and understanding. 

They may say God made you and He doesn't make mistakes. I agree with this statement. But for us, naturemade the mistake. I know 100 percent that I should be a girl, I've always felt out of place among my male peers.

If all else fails, there exist imperical data which shows the ocurrence of trangender feelings is 1 out of every 250 to 500 males born. And 1 out of every 2500 have transitioned. We are talking about a significant part of the population.

My sisters husband, who I dearly love and admire, is a quite man. He's the one I have a question about. My brother on the other hand, I pray, will understand and still love me. I don't intend to tell the rest of them until early next year, or when the changes become difficult to hide. We don't see each other very often, we live in different cities, you know.

Both my brother and my brother-in-law may cut me off from my nephews. This would break my heart. But, Kiki, are you going to continue to suffer as I have for the rest of your life just so you wont offend your relatives? Are you going to live your life according to others perceptions of what you should be and how you should act or dress?

I have done that and I am miserable. It affects every relationship, whether you know it or not. It has affected my relationship with my wife. She always questioned why I could become erect for oral sex, but when it came to penetration I couldn't maintain it. I bet you can diagnose the problem. That's right, I couldn't because girls don't have the ability to penetrate a lover! My doctor enlightened me on that. And we have not had sex for years since.

Okay, Kiki, that's all I know to say. I know this may not have answered your questions, but this situation is different for every one of us. All I can say is prepare for the worst and hope for the best. This is not an easy task to undertake. It take time and commitment. It will take a toll on you physcally and on your emotions.

All my best,

Jenny M.

P.S. I see that you're still a guest. I think you should join, it's free and I as well as the others that check in fron time to time enjoy sharing information and encouragement.

Dear Kiki,

I told my mother this past weekend. She is deeply envolved with the Methodist church where she lives. She was very heart broken over my unhappiness. I told her that I had prayed and prayed for Jesus to take away this confusion in me. I had made vow after vow to put this behind me and be a man. But, this not only  persists, but unresolved it begins to effect relationships and job performance. Not to mention depression, severe weight gain/loss, alcohol/drug abuse, and sometimes suicidal thoughts.

I have a co-worker who is deeply committed to his Baptist church, I can't imagine telling him at this point. Eventually everybody close to you will know. You tell them or they will hear it from someone else.

I suggest you visit http://www.tsroadmap.comthey have a excellent discourse on telling family and friends. There are also books written for family, friends and co-workers of Transsexuals/Transgendered.

I will attempt to answer any questions you have. If I don't know the answer, I refer you to a book or website.

Good luck,

Jenny M.